


everything's okay now

by i_will_fight_you



Series: lloyd's adventures in suffering [5]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Gen, Suicide Attempt, jay is actually a decent person, lloyd is still sad and still wants to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 09:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12407643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_will_fight_you/pseuds/i_will_fight_you
Summary: it would all be okay.





	everything's okay now

**Author's Note:**

> please please please read the tags im not even joking

Every night without fail, so long as they were in the sky, Lloyd would go out onto the deck of the bounty and sit on the edge. He'd always sit in the same spot, right where Kai had fallen. It was always cold and windy. He hated it. It reminded him of Morro and of almost drowning.

He never changed his routine.

For a while, someone would come out and check on him at least once a night. Usually Jay or Misako, very rarely Cole or Wu. Zane only checked once. It was never Kai or Morro.

Lloyd was glad it was never Kai, honestly.

He always used the same excuse. _It's pretty tonight._ No one questioned it, and Lloyd was left with his thoughts.

Killing the night guard.

Almost killing Kai.

Every lie, every deception.

Every unfinished punishment.

Everyone knew that it was unforgivable. Everyone knew it was undoubtedly Lloyd's fault. It was evident by the way that they acted whenever Lloyd entered a room. Everyone went quiet and shifted away, save for Misako and Jay. Misako just looked sad, almost… regretful. Jay… It was hard to tell with Jay. He had a look that seemed comprised of concern and embarrassment on his face perpetually, and it barely shifted when he saw Lloyd. Unreadable.

They hadn't believed him when he told them what Morro had done. They had let Morro live. They had welcomed him. They _cared_ about him. Every single one of them.

He was convinced that the only reason Jay cared was because he saw Lloyd not fighting death that day, which now felt so long ago.

It was Jay's _job_ to care about and protect people. He just happened to notice something both Cole and Zane didn't, and they didn't see much significance when Jay pointed it out. That was the only explanation that made sense. He would have done the same for anyone.

His mother… His mother likely felt obligated to care. But he had seen her face. She was so disappointed in him. As was right.

His emotions were too complex, tangled with threads of apathy and bitterness, cloaked in layers of self doubt. He couldn't hope to sort them out any time soon. Objectively, though, he was sure what everyone thought of him. Even him just being there made them uncomfortable. He was a burden. A dead weight.

There was no way he could possibly right what he had done.

Lloyd stood up quietly, lingering by the edge longer than usual. It was so high up.

He numbly wondered what it would be like to fall.

Would it even really matter all that much? the prophecy had been complete. He wasn't needed anymore. No prophecy, no person, needed his presence.

He picked up his foot and moved it forward, feeling nothingness beneath it. All he could hear was the howling of the wind.

_Where does a cursed soul go if there is no Cursed Realm?_

It hardly mattered, he supposed. He shifted his weight forward. He was slightly trembling, sure, but this way he wouldn't hold anyone back. He was ready to let gravity take him, to let the clouds swallow him entirely.

He was yanked backwards by the arm.

Lloyd looked behind in alarm, fearful that it was the once in a blue moon that Wu had decided to check, that he'd be scorned for this. But it wasn't.

Funnily enough, this was the first time that Lloyd had seen Jay speechless.

"I'm sorry."

"Lloyd, if this is about Morro I will personally drown him."

All Lloyd could do in response was cry.

**Author's Note:**

> wow good thing this totally isnt a vent fic  
> my tumblr is iwillheckingfightyou//anywaylloydgarmadonistrans and im a terrible terrible person


End file.
